Things, Besides Crying, for Which There Should Be No Place in Baseball (with Some Caveats)

Wearing your baseball cap upside down while you are right-side up

Funky renditions of "The Star-Spangled Banner," unless at some point a fungo bat gets set on fire 

Bad renditions of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” unless accompanied by free peanuts and cracker jack 

 Ceremonial first pitches thrown by someone who throws like a squirrel 

Referring to a ballplayer by conjoining shortened versions of the player's first and last names (e.g., "A-Rod" for Alex Rodriguez, Han-Ram for Hanley Ramirez, D-Lee for Derrek Lee), unless you have been diagnosed with a disease so virulent, your life expectancy can be measured in syllables 

Referring to a ballplayer by using a shortened version of the player's last name (e.g., "Sully" for Sullivan, "Rami" for Ramirez, "Gonzo" for Gonzales), unless you are a teammate of that player, or have spent or are likely in the near future to spend a weekend fly-fishing with him in the Blue Ridge Mountains

 Boring mascots Mascots 

 Donnybrooks (rhubarbs OK) 

The Wave (Please! Stop!)

Hot dogs that cost as much as a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse

Players assaulting plumbing in the dugout or clubhouse, unless plumbing is the aggressor 

Fraternizing during the game with a member of the opposition. You can pass along your commodities tips after the game.