Sounds Remarkably Like One Hand Clapping

One finger snapping One lip smacking One tooth chattering One wind chime rod chiming One coin jingling One-snap snapping One heel clicking One scissor snipping One LEGO block joining One band napping

Extraterrestrial Species I Have Met, With Brief Comments, Part 4 (K-N)*

Note 1: The material in this post is a meticulously accurate record of what I have been told by the extraterrestrials themselves, and of what I have observed (most painstakingly) of their appearance and behavior. Any errors or misrepresentations are entirely their fault. Note 2: In assembling my list of extraterrestrial races, I have relied on Wikipedia’s “List of Extraterrestrials in Fiction.” Of course, I could have constructed a list without Wikipedia’s help, based entirely on my own recollections and records. But, I have much in common with the Aziam (see Part 1). Note 3: Undoubtedly Wikipedia included the “in fiction” in their title in order to maintain credibility with the uninitiated and ignorant masses of our planet. 

Kadi…I’ve met them, but I’m not allowed to reveal what the Kadi said or what the Kadi did. 

Kazon…Ambulate by rolling.

Key-Guardians…They were quite courteous and helpful when I misplaced mine. 

King Ghidora…Has visited innumerable uninhabited planets; also known as Ghidora the Explorer. 

Kharaa…Kharaa insurance is quite expensive.   

Kig-yar…Most of them are shape-shifters, but sometimes a Kig-yar is just a Kigyar

Kimera…Curiously, their accent is exactly the reverse of that of Commander Chekov of the Enterprise, so when they say their name, it sounds like our word camera. 

Kivar…A virulent space bug that attacks the central nervous system of humans; you don’t want to get a Kivar up your spine. 

Klingons…From a planet composed mostly of static. 

Koozbanians…Successfully banned kooz throughout the universe. (Never heard of kooz? Now you know why.) 

Krakeds…aka Krudes. 

K’tang…Supposedly evolved from stray crystals from the powdered Tang that earth astronauts carried into space, but no one has ever explained how. 

Kyo…Their current leader is Kyo Adrian. 

Liir…Their pants are on fiir. 

Limax…They love the snooze button. 

Lipul…Intergalactic troublemakers; so universally disliked that many other races only like their Lipuls pierced. 

Loboan…If attacked by a Loboan shark, watch out for your kneecaps. 

Loomi…Loomi tunes are quite catchy. 

Macra…They don’t get along with most other races, but one day, the Macra may. 

Malons…When they’re on, they’re off. 

Mangalores…Males outnumber females among them 20:1. 

Marmosians…They love to mosey, even though they're pretty bad at it. 

Martians…No, they are not from Mars. They’re tiny space creatures who live in or on Marti, a clerk at my local Blockbuster (kind of like in that Eddy Murphy movie I can’t remember the name of right now). 

Mazians…I want to be a Mazian; I’ve always wanted to be a Mazian. 

Melnorme…aka The Velvenfog. 

Melotians…Always hogging the sun block. 

Miradorn…Hired to decorate the now-defunct Russian space station. 

Mmmmhrm…Used to be Momomomohorom, but the Hooloovoo stole all their o’s. 

Mork…Admitted to me he’s not really from Ork. 

The Mooninites…Stole Cat Stevens’ "Starry Starry Night" for use as their planetary anthem, sticking their name in the starry night parts. 

Morlocks…Big on security. Their motto: "You can never have too many locks." Big on security. 

Mor-Taxans…Always want their taxes increased; they’re loony. 

Mr. Saturn…I asked Mr. Saturn to give me a ring some time. Mr Saturn didn't laugh. 

Neutrals…Shifty. 

 Nox…Approachable when they’re alone or in groups, but don’t bother two Nox.

*See also: Part 1 (A-C), Part 2 (D-F), Part 3 (G-J)

Reality TV Shows That Would Be Worth Watching, At Least for 10 Minutes

Reality TV Shows that Would Be Worth Watching (at least for 10 minutes)

The Real Floyd the Barber
Contestants must survive twenty-two weeks of eight-hour days cooped up in a barber shop with the most boring barber in America.

American Idle
The search for the laziest person in America becomes a literal search when viable candidates consistently fail to show up for shooting.

The Legend of Judge Roy Bean Redux
Television's first hanging judge (executions strictly cgi)

Animal Planet's Kangaroo Court
Past episode's of The People's Court, re-enacted by kangaroos (animated).

Veal or No Veal
Contestants vie for boatloads of cutlets.

The Gladys Kravitzes
Follows the exploits of a group of snoopy suburban housewives who investigate reports of "funny business" in their neighborhoods.

Lancing with the Stars
Celebrity jousting.

Last Tuba Player Standing
Kind of like Last Comic Standing, except with tubas and a non-figurative use of standing.

Lego Noobs.

Kids in Cars with Coke
You thought kids said the darndest things before...

The Gamey Show

In a combination of Major League Eating events and TV's The Fear Factor, a competitive eating contest where contestants consume a variety of foods that are a just bit "off. " Throwing up results in immediate elimination.