Pro Wrestling Memoirs: A List as Real as Pro Wrestling Itself

I Remember Trauma

The Foreign Object of My Affection

Don’t Let the Luchador Hit You on the Way Out

Now I‘ve Not Seen Everything: Life as a Pro Wrestling Referee

Piledriving Miss Daisy: Inside Women’s Wrestling

All the World’s a Cage Match: Reflections of a Wrestling Existentialist

I Can Count to Three

I’ve Taken So Many Steel Chairs to the Head, I Forgot How to Sit on One

Every Time I Threw a Match I Lit Up the Crowd

Muscle Chowder: Life as a Wrestling Stooge

Wrestling's in My Blood—See for Yourself

Things I Wouldn't Want to Die From

Desultory combustion 

Malignant pleonasm 

Tickle overdose ("Tickle to Death" on my death certificate? No thanks!)

Mallaria 

Bubonic plaque 

Traumatic shlock 

Prismatic fever 

Fatal browbeating 

Bigpox 

Anything involving my petard

Stray ballet 

Things, Besides Crying, for Which There Should Be No Place in Baseball (with Some Caveats)

Wearing your baseball cap upside down while you are right-side up

Funky renditions of "The Star-Spangled Banner," unless at some point a fungo bat gets set on fire 

Bad renditions of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” unless accompanied by free peanuts and cracker jack 

 Ceremonial first pitches thrown by someone who throws like a squirrel 

Referring to a ballplayer by conjoining shortened versions of the player's first and last names (e.g., "A-Rod" for Alex Rodriguez, Han-Ram for Hanley Ramirez, D-Lee for Derrek Lee), unless you have been diagnosed with a disease so virulent, your life expectancy can be measured in syllables 

Referring to a ballplayer by using a shortened version of the player's last name (e.g., "Sully" for Sullivan, "Rami" for Ramirez, "Gonzo" for Gonzales), unless you are a teammate of that player, or have spent or are likely in the near future to spend a weekend fly-fishing with him in the Blue Ridge Mountains

 Boring mascots Mascots 

 Donnybrooks (rhubarbs OK) 

The Wave (Please! Stop!)

Hot dogs that cost as much as a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse

Players assaulting plumbing in the dugout or clubhouse, unless plumbing is the aggressor 

Fraternizing during the game with a member of the opposition. You can pass along your commodities tips after the game.

Not Especially Intimidating Wrestling Moves

The Sleep Aid

The Fist of Perturbation

The Hectoral Pectoral

The Heave of Destruction

The Stress Inducer

The Aluminum Claw

The Harriet Nelson

The Corrective Boot

The Teddy Roosevelt (walk softly and carry a pool noodle)

The Sneer of Transfixion

The Throws Garden

The Scaphoid Sandwich

Shove and Disses

The Beau Pummel

The Crimponator

Nicknames You Wouldn't Want to Be Tagged with Even If Your Name's Not James Jackson

Open Fly 

Shootee

Jetsam

The Afterthought

Mr. Snivelmore

The Last Resort

The Sudden Pall

Stanley Livingstain

Tricklenose

Nice Try

Cringemaster

The Loom of Gloom

Captain Extraneous

Recall

Posthumous Man

First Draft

The Duke of Dumpster

ur-Urkel

McShifty

Grammar Moses