From a Poll of NASCAR Drivers

Favorite vacation spot: Lapland 

Favorite name for a bar they hope to open someday after retirement from NASCAR: The Lap Joint 

 

Favorite joke: Question: What do you call a lazy NASCAR driver? Answer: Lapadaisical 

Word that most often causes them spelling problems: Lapse 

Favorite thing to do following lunch: Afternoon lap 

Favorite French mathematician: Laplace 

Favorite form of office gambling: Lap pool  

Favorite décor: Lapdash 

Favorite treatment for someone who makes lame NASCAR jokes: Lapidation

Reasons to Reconsider Buying a Car

It’s no accident that the word carnage has the word car in it. Or maybe it is.

There’s no such thing as radar love.

You never hear reports of "sidewalk rage"

Road signs are too bossy.

Sooner or later, you'll have to see the manager.


If you own a car...

Everything becomes personal when you're in it.

One day you’ll find yourself talking to your car. It won’t be a good day. And they won't be kind words.


If you don't own a car...

Your kids will never ask you to buy them a car, because they’ll never want to be seen driving you around.

With the money you save on gas, you can buy a gas station.

You can sit back and watch the Smiths fall further and further behind the Joneses.

You can own a TV the size of a garage.

If you can’t remember where you left your car keys and start wondering if your mind is going, the answer will be obvious.

A Survey of People Who Regularly Respond to Surveys

97% of people who regularly respond to surveys think that other people care what they think.

81% of people who regularly respond to surveys indicate that most of their opinions are borrowed.

86% of people who regularly respond to surveys say that they don’t know the difference between a poll and a survey, or if there is one.

Somewhat confusingly, 79% of the 86% mentioned above nevertheless indicate they would rather be surveyed than polled.

6% of people who regularly respond to surveys say of themselves that, so far, it looks like they have all the answers.

4% of people who regularly respond to surveys define a small sample size as any population sample that doesn‘t include them.

11% of people who regularly respond to surveys indicate that, on at least one occasion when they were responding to a phone survey, they thought they were having a conversation with a distant relative.

61% of people who regularly respond to surveys say that if they are given the option of answering “no opinion” or "don't know" to any given question, they feel insulted.

50% of people who regularly respond to surveys indicate that they only deviate from the mean when no one is looking.

72% of people who regularly respond to surveys answered “no” when asked: “Is there such a thing as a dumb question?”

28% of people who regularly respond to surveys thought the above was a dumb question.

17% of people who regularly respond to surveys say they only respond to surveys that involve filling in little circles. (Pollsters conclusion: 17% of people who regularly respond to surveys have OCD.)

3% of people who regularly respond to surveys think that George Gallup is the name of Dudley Do-Right’s horse.