Reasons to Not Refer to Yourself in the Third Person

Note: Let's just say your name is John Smith.

Your third person might begin referring to himself in the fifth person, and then we could all be in trouble.

If you talk to yourself, you may not be able to get a word in edgewise.

It would be extremely difficult to find monogrammed towels reading: John Smith's and Hers.

It may come to pass that one day you will find yourself on the tip of your tongue.

You may frequently find yourself lagging behind when reciting The Pledge of Allegiance.

You will probably not garner much sympathy by saying: "John Smith has a splitting headache."

It could put a serious crimp in any plans you may have to become a lyricist. Consider the following:

John Smith is the eggman, they are the eggmen, John Smith is the

walrus, goo goo g'joob...

It's John Smith's party, and John Smith will cry if John Smith wants to,

cry if John Smith wants to...

John Smith doesn't know why John Smith loves you like John Smith

does...

It just doesn't work!

When you go for a job interview, at some point during the process the interviewer may begin thinking to himself: "Hmmm ... this John Smith guy sounds fantastic. I wonder how I can get his phone number."

If you work for a financially-strapped corporation looking to eliminate redundant workers, you might go to the top of the list.

Constantly neglecting the proper use of I could at some point adversely affect your ability to correctly use eye, aye, and possibly even aaiiiiieeeeeee!.

Saying "John Smith does" would probably not be an auspicious way to kick off a marriage.

You might make am jealous of is.

My Feeble Attempt to Invent Some Words that Rhyme with Orange

doorange any reddish-yellow paint applied to a door 

forange foraging for oranges 

florange 1. any orange-colored flower 2. an orange that costs a florin 

gorange the orange that stole Christmas 

ignorange the condition of having the intelligence of an orange 

sorange to slice an orange with fear and trembling 

storange a rental space where you keep your extra oranges 

yourange your half of the orange

porrange porridge sprinkled with orange bits

quorange a quorum of Sunkist growers