Vampire Westerns

Fang ‘em High The Dracnificent Seven Really Pale Rider Don’t Bite the Bullet Blazing Coffins The Sucking Bronco The Assassination of Count Dracula by the Coward Abraham Van Helsing The Chewtist Reddish River Wanted: Dead or Undead or Alive Bat in the Saddle Again The Good Guys and the Vlad Guys Nooseferatu Bat Day at Black Rock Bat Masterson Has Arisen From the Grave Fjango Unchained

Blurbs You Wouldn't Want to See on the Back Cover of Your First Book

“I found it literally impossible to put this book down. Of course, that may have been because it was full of hot air.”

“If I could have one book with me on a desert island, this would be the one—because I’d have no scruples about using it to start a signal fire.”

"An abomination to trees."

“This book helped brighten my day. At 923-pages long, I was able to step up on it to change a light bulb.”

"Better than counting sheep."

“If you can‘t afford to buy this book, go out and steal it from your local library. Please!"

“Read this book from cover to cover. Skip the rest."

"Made me say "Uncle," and not in a good way.

“My only wish is that this book would have been a lot longer. Then I could have left more of it unread.”

“This is the kind of book you put down and say: “I made it!"

"Move over Snoopy!"

Videos You Will Probably See on You Tube Someday (If You Haven't Already)

A dog and a cat playing Risk

A man who can make his hair do twenty push-ups

A woman who can twiddle her shoulders around one another like they were thumbs

A 7689-mile-long line of toppling dominoes that retraces the entire route taken by the Corps of Discovery

A coffee spill that looks uncannily like the face of The Office and Night at the Museum actor Ricky Gervais

The world’s oldest pipe fitter

An enhanced image from the video of the Apollo 11 astronauts' moon walk that purportedly proves that three flies did in fact accompany them to the moon

A wild pig plowing into a line of cars at a freeway rest stop after stealing an unattended road grader (click on Crashing Boar)

An interview with a nine-year-old real-life Jimmy Neutron who went into orbit without telling his parents

A pyrotechnician who finds himself literally hoist by his own petard at a Fourth of July celebration (with only his dignity hurt)

A woman who lives in a studio apartment she created inside a retired-from-service concrete mixer truck. “Planes, boats, trains, trailers—if people can make their homes in these,” the woman says, “why not a concrete mixer? It's really cozy. And rearranging the furniture is a snap.”

Brad Pitt and Sasquatch playing Risk

An NBA All-Star slam dunk competition winner who clinches victory by dunking the ball with his face

A normal person walking down the street