Monday, May 18, 2009

Star Baseball Player Contract Requests That Have Been Denied by Baseball Team Owners

Personal victory parade upon winning any major award 
 
Mechanical lift from dugout floor to playing field (escalator clause)

Use of horse for home run trots 

Ejection stadium seating three rows deep behind dugout, controlled from player's phone

Exclamation point following name on back of uniform 

Stat line “malfunction” on scoreboard during prolonged slumps 

Exemption from sacrificing, whether or not bunts are involved 

Walkup song to be played by personally selected live band 

Audible warning track with recording of Lost in Space robot saying "Danger [player's name]

Four guaranteed back pats or butt pats each game, gratis

Fireworks display upon starting argument with any umpire


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