Things to Do While Waiting in a Very Long Supermarket Checkout Line

Wait.

Try to mentally construct a Transformer from your shopping cart that wouldn’t have sand kicked in its face by other Transformers.

If you don’t already qualify for the senior discount, boost your spirits by considering the possibility that you might by the time you get to the front of the line.

Play with your food.

Using the divider sticks from the conveyor belt, develop a Flying Karamazov Brothers routine in conjunction with someone three or four lines down.

Try to come up with a way to shut up Hootie and the Blowfish that doesn‘t involve vandalism.

Say this (discreetly but audibly) to the person in front of you: "I sure hope no one has to pay by check, or has a tale to tell the cashier about something cute their grandkid did. I really don't want to be late for my anger management class."

Use your cell phone to make any needed service calls, doctor or dentist appointments, billing questions, etc. It pays to multi-wait.

Study the cashier's facial expressions and body language closely and try to gauge what he or she would consider a sufficient contribution to Jerry’s Kids so you don't get "that look."

Cheer plastic, boo paper (or vice versa, your choice).

Wait.