Things I May or May Not Have Said to Myself While Riding My Bike in the City

Whoa!

Hey…Cu-u-u-te.....Whoa!

Perhaps I could become a superhero on this bike. Because apparently, I'm invisible right now.

I wonder if I could have saved the money I spent on this tear-drop-shaped top-of-my-head multi-colored latticed bike helmet by making my own instead, using, say, an old mixing bowl, a leather belt, and some wadded up TV Guides. The result would be more stylish, that's for sure.

(Breathing hard)…Okay, I now…(breathing hard)…hate dogs…(breathing hard)…even more than those nasty worms…(breathing hard)…that sometimes…(breathing hard)…come out of dogs.

I wonder if the REI bike repair shop has a designated spokesperson.

They say you never forget how to ride a bike, but every once in a while I do.

Maybe I should try a little Tri-Flow on my knees.

I wonder if I could make a bullet-proof belt out of one of these Kevlar tires.

Note to self: E-mail bike manufacturer suggesting they add the following line to their pre-ride safety check instructions: Never ride your bike while drowsy from performing the recommended pre-ride safety check.

27 gears and nothing on.

The closest I’ll ever get to extreme is ex.

I understand that you’re in a Camaro and I’m on a bike, but doesn’t that just mean that it is I who should be throwing half-eaten fruit at you?

Conveyancist!

Owww!