Q: What’s new pussycat?
A: Well, for one thing, that’s the first time anyone’s ever called me pussycat.
Q: Do you know the way to San Jose?
A: Of course. First, you shave Jose’s head. Then, you grab a good-sized piece of emery paper and, beginning at the top of the front of Jose’s skull you . . . What’s that? . . . Oh, San Jose . . . Sorry.
Q: How can you mend a broken heart?
A: I don’t know, but I do know some people who have had their hearts broken, like, 27 times. So it’s a fairly simple procedure, I would guess.
Q: Who let the dogs out?
A: I don’t know, but I hope those dogs are big, and mean, and know where you live.
Q: Who are you?
A: Nobody special, really, but . . . you see that guy over there? He is The Eggman. And the scuttlebutt around the office is, he’s on a fast track to becoming The Walrus.
Q: Are you lonesome tonight?
A: Well . . . I am thinking up stupid answers to song questions.
Q: Why do fools fall in love?
A: Because if they didn’t we’d eventually run out of fools.
Q: Who can it be now?
A: Well, theoretically, it can be just about anybody. But it’s probably just Mr. Wilson here to complain about some of Dennis’s shenanigans again.
Q: When will I be loved?
A: Maybe when you stop whining.
Q: What kind of fool am I?
A: I know of only two kinds of fools: the kind that wears a floppy, multi-colored hat with bells and keeps a king amused, or the kind that is just a silly or stupid person. Since I don’t hear you jingling and there aren‘t many kings around here, I’m guessing you’re the second kind.
Q: Where have all the flowers gone?
A: Yeah, definitely the second kind.
Q: Do you wanna dance?
A: Well, I guess that would be all right. Just don’t call me pussycat. OK?
Q: Who do you think you are?
A: Nobody special, really, but . . . see those guys over there? They are the champions, my friend.
Q: Is you is or is you ain’t my baby?
A: You know, I really do don’t like you.
Q: Ain’t that just like a woman?
A: Actually, that is a woman.
Q: Who put the bomp (in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp)?
A: Probably some guy who had just taken a nasty tumble down some stairs.
Q: Mr. Bigstuff, who do u think u are?
A: Mr. Bigstuff.
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