From the Auditions of a Goose Who Never Made It as an Actor

From the Auditions of a Goose Who Never Made it as An Actor
by R.D. Ronstad

For the role of …

James Bond: HONK-Honk, Honk Honk

Mr. Miyagi: Honk HONK, HONK Honk

Mary Poppins: HONK Honk-Honk-Honk HONK Honk-Honk-Honk  Honk HONK Honk-Honk

The Lone Ranger: Honk Honk HONK-Honk, Honk-HONNNNK!

Kato, Inspector Clouseau's houseboy: HOOONNNNNNNNNNK!!!

Taxi #1 in Taxi Driver: Honk Honk*

The Terminator: Honk Honk-HONK

Goose #3 (Fly Away Home): HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK…HONK...HONK…HONK…HONK…Honk…Ho...*

Replacement for Roger Ebert on At the Movies:



A bystander spotting Superman: Honk-Honk HONK, Honk-Honk HONK, Honk HONK Honk-Honk!

A member of the Wehrmacht (no dialogue):
Goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, goose-step, etc.**

An extra in a crowd at a basketball game singing along with Gary Glitter‘s “Rock & Roll - Part II (The Hey Song)”:
...............HONK!..........
...............HONK!..........
...............HONK!..........

Jimmy Dugan (manager of the Rockford Peaches of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League): HONK Honk Honk-Honk-Honk-Honk HONK!

*Couldn't capture the animus of a New York taxi
**Hired for the part, but showed up drunk the first day of shooting and was immediately released
***Very nervous that day and stumbled repeatedly