Some Things That Make Me Suspect I May Be Out of Step

If 50 million Frenchman told me to jump off s bridge, I might do it.

I don’t know the back of my hand all that well.

I’m never one of the two kinds of people in the world. Ever. I try not to think about it.

I never got that Trini Lopez song. Who the hell doesn't have a hammer? 

I'd rather have two birds in the bush.

If someone gives me an inch, I try to take three or four inches max.

I don't get "no news is good news." I mean, could you really say, "I have no news, and I have bad news."

Once while the cat was away, I spent the whole time doing yard work and reading Kierkegaard.

I would join a club that would have me as a member if it had a side door I could slip out of when I saw me coming.